


Harper Floyd's Off the Wall Adventures

by venusrosy



Category: The Simpsons
Genre: One Shot Collection, Randomness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-31
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:08:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28444434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/venusrosy/pseuds/venusrosy
Summary: A collection of short stories about 13 year old Harper Floyd and her adventures in the the town of Springfield
Kudos: 1





	1. Boys Suck

**Author's Note:**

> My life has been completely taken over by The Simpsons lol

Thirteen year old Harper Floyd rushed home from school, her blonde hair flying out behind her as her boots slapped the pavement with each step. She was on top of the world, and she was the happiest she had ever been. Harper turned the corner to Moe's bar, throwing open the door with a loud "hello".

"Hi Barney, hi Homer!" she called, excitedly bouncing up and down.

"Hi, Harper you seem happy," Homer said with a smile.

"I am! I feel great!"

"What happened?"

"I got a date!"

"Ooohh, who's the lucky girl?"

Harper rolled her eyes.

"Homer, I'm not a lesbian," she replied. "His name is Walter. He plays basketball."

"What's this about Harps havin' a date?"

Moe turned entered from the bathroom, his gravelly voice signaling his appearance before she had even seen him.

"I have a date tomorrow at 7!" she said excitedly.

Moe furrowed his brow.

"A date?" he asked. "With who."

"A boy name Walter Wallace. He plays on the basketball team."

"Basketball, okay. Well, tell him if he hurts you, he answers to me. And by me, I mean my rifle."

Harper laughed. 

"Will do," she responsed.

The next evening, Harper curled her hair, and put on a nice coat of pink lipstick. She wore a purple dress, and her usual pair of boots. At exactly 6:55, Harper sat herself outside Moe's bar, waiting for Walter to show up.

"Hey, Harpy, it's 7:30, and it's getting cold, maybe he's not showin' up?" Moe said from the doorway, looking down at the girl sitting on the curb.

"He'll be here, he's probably just a little bit late," she said, though her voice sounded unsure.

At 10, Harper entered the bar with a devastated look. She had been waiting for three hours, and Walter hadn't even called. He'd stood her up, probably as a joke by the popular kids at school. How could she have been so stupid?

"Gimme a beer, Moe," Harper said, hopping on a stool, her head hung low.

"I'm not serving you beer," Moe said firmly, though his voice was sympathetic.

Harper's eyes welled with tears. She felt hurt, betrayed, and worst of all, she felt used. Walter had told her she was pretty, made her feel happy and warm and fuzzy inside, and when the time actually came, he didn't even want.

"B-boys suck," Harper groaned, wiping her teary eyes with her hands.

"They do. And I've got knives, and lots of guns. I'll take care of him, sweetheart," Moe said, leaving from behind the bar to sit next to her.

"No thanks."

"What? The little bastard deserves it!"

"I just wanna let it go."

"Alright, fine. Do you want ice cream instead?"

"That would be nice."

Moe smiles as Harper reached in for a hug. Moe patted her shoulder gently. He took off his apron, dragged Barney out, and closed up the store. Harper's night may have started shitty, but thanks to Moe, it was starting to look up.


	2. A Day with Smithers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harper is forced to spend time with her Uncle Waylon Smithers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW : vomit, anxiety attacks

"Come on Harpy, you need to get out of bed!"

"No! You'll never get me alive!"

Mos grunted and let go of Harper's legs, letting them drop as she held on tightly to the post of her bed. Today was one of the dreaded weekends she was forced to spent time with her Uncle Waylon, a man who she despised for his connections (and weird infatuation) with Mr. Burns. 

"Harps, do you want the state to take you away? We're already on thin ice because of the whole bar thing," Moe said, exasperated.

"They won't do anything," Harper scoffed.

"They did take away the Simpson kids."

"Pfft, that's different."

Moe was starting to lose his patience, and Harper stood up and sighed.

"Fine," she groaned. "But I won't enjoy any of this."

Harper stalked off to the bathroom, running a comb through her blonde bed-head, and putting on her usual white turtleneck, lavender overall dress, and black lace-up boots. It seemed like she wore this thing everyday...

"He's here!" Moe yelled from outside the bathroom.

Harper let out a loud groan as she opened the door, scowling as she walked towards the front door.

"Hello, Harper!" her Uncle Waylon said to her as she opened the door.

"Hi," Harper replied blandly.

"Bye, Harps! Have fun, and don't do anything I would do. But also don't doanything I wouldn't do. Aw hell, just don't do anything." Moe said as she exited the house.

"So, what do you wanna do?" Smithers asked as Harper pulled open the passenger side of his car.

"Go back inside."

Smithers groaned.

"Can we just have one nice outing?" Smithers pleaded. "Please?"

"Nah, I wanna make you miserable."

"Why?"

"Because you work for Mr. Burns."

"I...I...okay, well, that's kind of fair actually."

Harper shrugged.

"Oh well, get me ice cream and I might hate you less."

Smithers nodded and drove Harper to the ice cream store, where she purposely ordered the most expensive thing there just to spite Smithers. To add insult to injury, Smithers couldn't even eat it due to his lactose intolerance.

"You might make yourself sick," Smither warned as Harper wolfed down bites of her ginormous ice cream.

"Sicker than Mr. Burns?"

Smithers groaned once again. Harper continued to eat her ice cream until her face began to turn green, her stomach staryed to turn, and she suddenly felt horribly, horribly sick. But she couldn't throw up ; it was one the things that triggered memories of her abusive father.

"Harper, are you alright?" Smithers asked, before Harper got violently sick on the grass.

"N-no!" she cried. "I can't...oh god not now please!"

Harper began to hyperventilate, breathing heavily as she tried not to cry.

"Hey, hey, come here," Smithers said gently. "Give me some things you can see, some things you can feel, some things you can hear."

"I...I can hear the birds, and...and people. Um...I can see you, and my shoes, and I...I can feel the grass."

Harper took in a deep breath, steadying her nerves and wiping away tears in her eyes. 

"How did you know what to do?" she asked as Smithers helped her stand.

"I get anxiety attacks too," Smithers replied.

"Really?"

"Yeah, ever since I was a teenager."

"I'm sorry I judged you so harshly. You're not so bad."

"I forgive you. You're pretty great too."

Harper smiled.

"Do you wanna go home?"

"No, I wanna spend some more time with you."

Smithers smiled and helped her into the car.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Simpsons is supposed to be funny but the emotional moments always hit hard. But I can assure you next chapter will probably be funny.


	3. Grudges and Gumballs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harper has a long-standing, mutual grudge against Skinner for an incident that happened in 5th grade

"So that's how I managed to evade the law and jail once again."

"Great story, Moe. Got any gum?"

Moe frowned.

"You chewed it all yesterday," he said, pressing the nozzle of a tap. "Anymore and the next thing you chew will be my wallet."

Harper frowned, and her expression darkened.

"I bet Seymour Skinner has some," she said ominously. 

"Uhh...Harps?"

Harper hopped off her stool and glared darkly at Moe. 

"I'm going to avenge what was lost 4 years ago."

"Um...okay. Take what guns or knives you need."

"I won't need them."

Harper turned and stormed out of the bar, leaving behind a lot of very confused, very concerned drunk people. They all knew Harper was a bit strange, but her rantings about avenging lost things and Seymour Skinner were a new weird. 

Harper marched angrily until she made it to Skinner's house, her expression of determination having not faltered since she exited Moe's bar. The sun outside was warm, and the sweat added to the war general expression on her face. She raised a hand, before angrily knocking on his door.

"I'll get it, Mother!" called Skinner's muffled voice from inside, before the door was opened.

"Hello...." he started, before looking down and realizing who it was..His own face grew hard as Skinner stared down Harper with an icy glare. Skinner spoked in an icy voice : "Floyd."

"Skinner."

"What are you doing here?"

"I came for revenge, Skinny Boy."

"If this is about what happened in 5th grade, I suggest you leave now."

"We can do this the easy way or the hard way, Skinner."

Skinner's teeth gritted as Harper's eyebrow raised.

"Fine," he ordered. 

Seymour reached in his pocket and pulled out a gumball. It was now white, and it's stickiness had attracted many...gross things to it. It was also mostly smushed.

"Thank you," Harper said, taking the gumball from his hand. "I will be leaving now."

"Are you...are you actually going to eat it?"

Harper stared directlt at Skinner, before popping it in her mouth. Instantly, she spat it out on the ground.

"Gross," she gagged, wiping off her tongue with her hands. 

"You have guts, Floyd. Real guts."

"Thanks, Skinny Boy. Can I have five bucks for a new one?"

Skinner begrudgingly forked over a five dollar bill, and Harper beamed.

"Truce?" she asked.

"Truce."

Harper ran down the porch steps and to Apu's store, her gumball finally having been avenged.


End file.
